Detroit transplants living in Dallas
Yes, it’s spelled with a u. The best of the best.
If I had a camera phone, I would have definitive photographic proof for the internets of a dude driving an SUV around metro-Detroit with an almost-life-sized MANGER SCENE strapped to the roof rack. As I drove by with my mouth open, silently mouthing a giant WHATTHEFUCK, my only question was not WHY? but CAN HE PUT THAT THING THROUGH A DRIVE-THRU?
I can’t make this shit up.
My wife (yes, it’s still weird saying that) is gone for the weekend, and the first things I think of are YES I CAN PARK IN THE DRIVE WAY ALL WEEKEND and SEAFOOD FOR DINNER EVERY NIGHT.
What a party.
At the risk of making the-most-annoying-song-in-the-world be stuck in your heads for the next 2 weeks, it’s a fucking small world, after all.
Way way back in time (2 years ago) when I proposed to Christa, I bought the domain mattandchrista.com. I had given the name a lot of thought, and conducted weeks of extensive market research for the optimum combination of letters to bring in the most traffic. It came down to two finalists: (1) christaandmatt.com or (2) mattandchrista.com.
In the end I chose what I did because it met my exhaustive domain name criteria:
Interestingly enough, not long after the launch of mattandchrista.com, I began receiving reports that people went to our website, only to find pictures and information of people that weren’t us.
IT GETS CREEPY FROM HERE.
It turns out there is another coupleized Matt and Christa out there, and they purchased christaandmatt.com. They too went to MSU. They too did the long distance thing.
And the really ironic thing that even Alanis would be proud to sing about – Christa met Christa through Comerica. I’m surprised the fabric of the space-time continuum did not instantly explode and burn.
I stopped the live updates from the Cabbage Diet Day 2 because a) it was all starting to sound the same, and b) I had a near death experience from the lack of food. I cracked on the 1st full day and ate a salad WITH DRESSSING!
Day 3 dawned full of the prospect of milk & bananas all day, plus the super extra tasty awesome cabbage soup I made. Hell yeah! I cracked by noon and had a Panera sandwich. When I got home at 7pm, Christa was also done with the whole thing. So what would any diet-crazed half-starved human being do? We had Taco Bell.
How do you spell Cabbage Diet?
S-P-E-C-T-A-C-U-L-A-R-F-A-I-L-U-R-E
Christa said she lost 3 pounds by Thursday. I managed to gain 1.
Never again.
Live updates from cabbage diet day 2 – fruits, veggies & cabbage soup only…
8:04am
Just got to work. I’m starving, and I haven’t had a coffee. No one better talk to me or I’ll bite their head off. Trying to stave off hunger pains by eating celery stalks. Who eats celery for breakfast?!
8:53am
I’m still hungry. The celery lasted 20 minutes. How are vegetarians not hungry all the time!!!?
9:21am
Good thing I’m at work. My bowels are very upset with me right now. At least my colon already feels cleaner… Snacking on some grapes now.
10:37am
Some serious mind over matter shit needs to start happening soon. I’ve never been this hungry in my life. I ate all of my celery sticks, baby carrots, and grapes that I brought for breakfast. I’ve drank my entire 1 liter of water.
<sarcasm>I can’t wait for lunch when I can eat cabbage soup.</sarcasm>
1:18pm
The soup is good. It filled me up decently, but I am having this overwhelming urge to raid the vending machine at work. Even the unidentifiable pastry looking green “Lucky Puffs” are looking delicious.
1:44pm
Hungry again. I sent Christa an email explaining how I feel like a starving kid from a third world nation. She was not amused.
3:32pm
There is an eerie calm in my belly right now. I just ate an apple and finished off my 2nd liter of water today. Round 2 of cabbage soup starts once I get home, but for now I’m out of food.
Let me just preface this by saying, I like food. I like to eat, and I like to eat food.
That’s why when I was notified today that I would be taking part in the 7 day cabbage soup diet with Christa, I was less than amused. As a matter of fact, I was a little ticked off.
But, as we all learn sooner or later, marriage is all about compromise. That’s why I’m going to be taking part in the new and improved condensed version of the cabbage diet (since we only have 5 days to do it to “prepare” for the wedding).
We skipped right to day 2 and had a nice salad & baked potato for dinner tonight. I’m in the process of making the soup right now to have over the next few days, and so far I’m pleasantly surprised. I’ve added some extra special seasoning and the soup smells downright good now, though I’m fearing what an update 2 days from now might say.
Stay tuned…
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