The Futility of Writing About the Last Two Weeks 8

Aaaaaand we’re back.

Sunset Over the Playa

It took a few days for the dust to settle (literally) and for me to attempt to coalesce my thoughts into something, anything, that might be cohesive enough to communicate what we’ve been through. I’ve wasted dozens of Post-its writing fragmentary scribbles, spent hours reviewing photos, and more time staring blankly at this post than I care to admit. The only thing that I keep coming back to over and over is how futile this whole exercise is; how extraordinarily pointless it is to even attempt to put anything into words. It was motivational. It was inspirational. It was mind blowing and eye opening. It was also intensely personal, and I don’t feel I would do any bit of justice trying to describe specific experiences. I’ve always been told a picture is worth a thousand words, but what happens when words fail to properly convey a moment frozen in time?

I’ve never felt more miniscule and overwhelmed in my life than that first night under the Man, and the weight of emotion in the Temple was oppressively palpable. The intensity of it all came crashing down on me at once like a tidal wave rolling over a picturesque seaside village. But then something happened from within that maelstrom just as it threatened to engulf me, and I found I had simply opened myself to it all. I let go. I let go of waiting for things to happen, of being jealous of the experiences of others, of missing out on things, and of forcing things to happen. And that’s the beauty of it all! It’s in that moment you discover that this, life, everything, is a Choose Your Own Adventure book filled with limitless possibilities per page. The only thing that matters is that you participate.

How do you explain the unexplainable, those seemingly unconnected but perfect coincidences? You can’t. I’ve never been one for Churchy spiritualism, but I know Einstein once famously said God doesn’t play dice with the world, and I’ve been fascinated with the dualities of chaos and higher power ever since. There were times out on the playa when I found myself trying to fathom if what was happening was simply the sum total of subatomic particle interactions through space and time or the amalgamation of existence directed by an unseen hand. I recognize now I can and will never know the true answer, I can only accept it as absolute synchronicity.

Thinking back to the moment it registered with me that we were actually leaving, the last words of Roy Batty’s monologue in Bladerunner sprang to mind:

I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe… [laughs] Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion, I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears… in rain…

Once I left, there was no longer an opportunity to share, as all of it would be out of context and just not make sense. With it all gone now I realize that the memories I have are not really what’s important, they are merely data sets along for the ride of this humble Homo sapiens. What’s important is how these memories shape my interaction with the world around me. The specifics may be lost when I expire and am forgotten, but what I do with them will live on forever.

So in the end I can only throw up my arms in defeat. The desert was hot, San Francisco is an amazing city I want to live in, my friends are awesome, I love my wife, and the experience as a whole has affected me much more profoundly than I ever thought possible.

I can’t wait to go back…

New Adventures and Experiences 2

There won’t be much in the way of any updates here for the next two weeks as we begin our first lengthy vacation since we were married in 2007. Monty is neurologically stable and will be staying with our good friends and his best doggie buddies. Bailey will be with them as well, so I know our kids are in a good place and in great hands. Without this I’m not sure we could undertake this in the right frame of mind, so we are thankful to have friends that are family.

In two days we embark on a much anticipated adventure with several of our closest friends. I have no doubt it will be an intense, emotionally cathartic journey, but not unlike the Phoenix I can’t wait to emerge from the ashes renewed, refocused, and a better person for the experience.

We’ve been planning and preparing for this for months but now it’s finally real, and I can’t imagine a better group of people to share this with. We’ll see you on the other side…

Tragedy And Restoring My Faith In Humanity

In general, I hate people. I hold myself to a very high standard and when others can’t or don’t follow suit, disappointed doesn’t quite reach the level of adjective I tend to reach for. Then something happens that changes everything, puts it all in perspective, and in a moment nothing is the same. Life is funny like that.

Tuesday night our good friend John Walker was involved in a horrific accident while leaving his second home, the music studio, to be with his wife and children, and at this time he remains in a coma and in critical condition at the Baylor ICU. Hearing any kind of news like this is shocking, but to have it strike so close to home and within your inner circle is devastating. How does the universe allow something like this to happen to such an amazing person? I was numb, angry, I hated people even more, and I didn’t want to acknowledge it. The normally emotionally stalwart C shed tears, and I’m not ashamed to admit I cried.

But then something started to happen. Word spread. My Facebook feed lit up, exploding not with informal half ass condolences some might expect, but truly inspiring and emotional outpourings of love, energy, and support. Having the privilege of getting to know John since moving to Dallas it was however no surprise. You may not have met him yet, but he is already your friend, and one that you could count on for anything. Soon friends, friends of friends, acquaintances, business contacts, even people he never directly met were mobilizing, coming together to offer anything and everything they could, and I am absolutely humbled by the response. A donation page was set up and within 24 hours $13,500 had been raised to assist John and his family through this trying time, with many additional benefit events in the works. Even more importantly a Facebook group 900 strong has people pledging and scheduling to help with the kids, house cleaning, cooking, transportation, and anything else to help the family keep focused on John and his recovery. To be sure, he has a long road ahead, but he WILL get there with the kind of support he has.

Live life, love and be loved, smile, and surround yourself with good people.
I’m both honored and proud to know John and so many other good people here. He is an inspiration, as is the overwhelming outpouring of support that I have borne witness to.

For anyone who would like to contribute please visit:

Gym Good, ____ Bad 2

cartman beefcakeI went to the gym the last two nights after work (insert BEEFCAKE references) for the first time in (let’s be honest nice) years. There are no particular fitness goals here other than trying to offset weekends of debauchery with some amount of good, or maybe I’m just making sure I can still run a mile for the first time since high school (pfft). Either way, at what point do you stop feeling like you just got jumped by some dude with a crowbar while leaving the Packard Plant after a full night of partying for the last $2 in your wallet? A week? Two weeks? If this keeps up I’m going to need to borrow bus money home from someone, anyone…

Howdy – It’s Been a While…

Howdy. At least that’s apparently what they say down here as a standard greeting in the South…

It’s been a while for posting. Yup, it is what it is. I won’t wax poetic about how busy we’ve been and how lazy I’ve been, etc, etc.

What’s done is done, but the good news is I’m going to begin using this site again to keep friends, relatives, acquaintances, and internet stalkers abreast with our new down south Dallas adventures, so I hope yall** stick around for the ride.

** for the record C and I refuse to speak southern.

Outta Here

We’re outta here. Headed to the Big D from the D. Now that we have a move date we’re putting up for sale pretty much everything. Click over to the 4sale page and keep checking — as we post stuff and items sell we’ll be updating in this central location. Thanks!

Hyundai POWAH!


Who would have thought my temporary little crap car could take this lickin’ and keep on tickin’…

The recession is effecting my drinking habits…

I’m not drinking any less…
I’m just drinking crappier beer.

Internet Breakfast

internet breakfast
Am I the only one that wonders what one would eat at an internet breakfast and why exactly it’s $79?


Death Cake

Thanks to everyone who came out to celebrate another year since my birth closer to death. It was a blast to say the least… My liver is officially glad I only turn 29+1 once in my life. Next stop, AARP!