How to get the IT department to do their actual job.

Most of you already know there are a lot of things out there that piss me off. In the spirit of my own sanity and having my own platform to bitch, I present to you the first in a mostly semi-monthly probably-whenever-the-fuck-something-pisses-me-off series I’m calling: Chances Are You Piss Me Off.

Dear People That Park Their Car at the Front Door of a Store,

Fuck You.

I work hard at getting my spot 5 or 6 back in the parking lot with the rest of the human population not good enough to be you. If I have to, I’ll circle the lot 3 or 4 times to pickup that awesome spot near the front. The fact you gloat as you put it in park in the most obvious of non-parking places serves to enrage me even further as you wave cars to pass you, because you, yes YOU, and every right to sit in the way of everyone else.

I’d love to stop and ask you when you were ever elected His Highness King Asshole, or Her Majesty Queen I-Do-What-I-Want, but I usually stop myself knowing full well my vocabulary at that point would consist of nothing more than ULTRA FANCY four letter words your tiny brain might not comprehend. Instead I can offer nothing more than a glare featuring a nasty sneer.

So the next time one of you even thinks about pulling that must supreme of lazy-asshole maneuvers, let me know. I’ll help you decide not to.

“You can always count on Americans to do the right thing – after they’ve tried everything else.” – Winston Chirchill

One of C’s favorite authors is David Sedaris. She’s read his books (read aloud to me the good bits) and I’ve listened to them a few times as an audio book, and let me tell you they are always good for an awkward I-can-relate-to-that laugh. So when I read his piece in the New Yorker today, I had to post it…

David Sedaris on undecided voters:

I look at these people and can’t quite believe that they exist. Are they professional actors? I wonder. Or are they simply laymen who want a lot of attention?

To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.

When it comes to finding ways to keep animals out of spots where they have no business in being, people can get really imaginative. Enter the Blender Defender, the latest and greatest in cat-on-the-counter-replulsing technology!

Have a cat that won’t stay off your counters? I do. I finally got fed up with it enough to do something about it: scare the crap out of him with a motion-detecting blender (while recording the results for my own amusement, of course).

Earlier this week the results of a study were released analyzing drinking habits and brain size.

Overall, the more alcohol consumed, the smaller the brain volume, with abstainers having a higher brain volume than former drinkers, light drinkers (one to seven drinks per week), moderate drinkers (eight to 14 drinks per week), and heavy drinkers (14 or more drinks per week).

At first I was concerned, but then I read another study about the brain and internet usage.

For middle-aged and older people at least, using the internet helps boost brain power, research suggests.

A University of California Los Angeles team found searching the web stimulated centres in the brain that controlled decision-making and complex reasoning.

I’m no longer concerned.

You find a box of individually wrapped snacky food products (think pretzels, chocolate wafers, and potato chips) with an expiration date over 2 years ago.

[poll id="1"]

13 years ago my Dad convinced me to buy a 1979 truck, and no doubt some of you still remember the beast, or at least it’s legend. While it may not have been much to look at, it was an opportunity for me to work with my Dad for many hours (attempting to) learn the ins and outs of automotive repair. Most of you probably know my mechanical skills have been the butt of many jokes, but this weekend I took on a project which gave me a new found appreciation for all my Dad did, forcing me to do work on a craptastic truck for 3 years.

In the interest of saving money (and practicing my drunken sailor vocabulary) I decided to take on replacing the brakes and rotors on my car myself. Admittedly, I had no clue whatsoever what I was doing. And while thanks to the internet I figured it out the process, I couldn’t have done it without those hours in my Dad’s garage years ago – instilling me with confidence that YES I CAN do it myself as long as I have the tools, the time, and plenty of four letter words.
Thanks Dad.

It has been a while since I’ve posted… sorry. Lots of strange and borderline exciting things have been happening (OMG House is back on!!) and as a result blogging hasn’t exactly been at the top of my list of things to do.

Still, most of you don’t give a shit about that, so here’s some food.

Greek Pasta with Tomatoes and Black Beans
-or-
$7 For 2 Dinners For 2 People
-OR-
A Modern Take on Frugalism for a Modern Economic Crisis

Serves: 4
Prep. Time: 10 Minutes, Cooking Time: 15 Minutes, Total Time: 25 Minutes

Ingredients:
2 (14.5 oz) cans Italian-style diced tomatoes or Del Monte Stewed Tomatoes, Italian
1 (15 oz) can Bush’s black beans, rinsed and drained
10 ounces fresh spinach, washed and chopped
8 ounces Barilla penne pasta, cooked
1/2 cup Athenos reduced-fat crumbled feta cheese (we substituted Mozzarella because of C’s aversion to icky Goats)

Directions:
Cook the pasta in a large pot of boiling salted water until al dente. Meanwhile, combine tomatoes and beans in a large non-stick skillet. Bring to a boil over medium high heat. Reduce heat, and simmer 10 minutes. Add spinach to the sauce; cook for 2 minutes or until spinach wilts, stirring constantly. Serve sauce over pasta, and sprinkle with feta.